Helpful phrases for when labour starts

With thanks to my local NCT dads. We accept no responsibility for the consequences of using these.

What, now? Can't you wait till Top Gear's finished?
Wow, you look really scary, darling.
Oh come on! I hit my elbow the other day and that really hurt.
You're in labour? I thought you were liberal! Why aren't you laughing - don't you get it?
You don't need pain relief. It's just a case of mind over matter.
Yeah, I'm in the pub. Have I got time for one more pint?
I'm quite tired, actually. Could you wake me up when it's over?
The taxi's here. I'll join you when the match has finished.
This could last for hours - you'd better put the kettle on.
Try to take your mind off it. I'll get the PlayStation out.
Don't worry, love, I know what to do. I read it on the internet.

I tried the scary one - my head hurt for weeks!! Granted my wife was expecting triplets, was in a lot of pain - I think I deserved the hit round the head!!
Tobey MacDonald	14 June 2005

I will show martin, i thouhgt it was funny reading them.
andrea	24 May 2005

I've decided just to ignore her..... Much easier.
Jon	6 November 2004

I tried the scary one, thankfully I am still alive!
Andrew	13 August 2004

manicure dear!
mal	27 June 2004

That reminds me, I'm ready for a trim!
Robert Seaton	17 June 2004

mmmmmmmmmmmmmm
Steve Wright	17 June 2004

Tried each one...they have all left me!!
Mr Twist	17 June 2004

To paraphrase the great man himself: "All I can offer you are blood, sweat and tears" Not sure what type of tears though
simon womersley	16 June 2004